Are you going through the difficult process of a divorce?

Instead of pitting two attorneys against each other, which can be messy and expensive, it’s often possible for a mediation process to resolve any issues and move forward with the divorce in a more harmonious and less harmful manner. However, it’s crucial that all parties involved in the mediation process know what language to both use and avoid to transform conflict into agreement.

Here are tips to use in your divorce mediation process. If you’d like more information, read here: Essential Guidelines from a New York Divorce Mediation Lawyer: Words Matter

Tip 1: Avoid Always or Never Statements

When you use always or never statements, such as ‘you never listen to me’ or ‘you always have a temper tantrum when this subject comes up’, you immediately put the other person on the defensive. They are problematic because they lead to all-or-nothing thinking and make the other person feel like they can’t do anything right. Instead, try to focus on specific situations and acknowledge what the other person has done right.

Tip 2: Focus on “I” Statements

“I” statements, such as ‘I feel unimportant when you interrupt me’ or ‘I feel angry when you say bad things about me to our son’ helps you express your feelings without blaming or accusing the other person. This can help foster construction communication and avoid unnecessary conflict. If you’d like more information on how these statements and others can help you in mediation, read here: Essential Guidelines from a New York Divorce Lawyer: Words Matter.

Tip 3: Don’t Threaten or Use Ultimatums

Using threats or ultimatums such as ‘if you don’t do this, I’ll take you for everything you have’ or ‘I’ll keep the children from you if you don’t give me the money I deserve’ causes hurt feelings, distrust, and a threat to security. Instead, try to focus on honest and open communication by expressing feelings and needs, practicing active listening, and focusing on ‘I’ statements.

Tip 4: Don’t Speculate

If you don’t know something for a fact, it’s better not to say it in mediation. For example, you may think that your spouse is hiding assets for you, is having an affair, or is otherwise lying about or hiding something. However, if you don’t have proof, speculation will only lead to defensiveness, anger, and conflict.

Tip 5: Don’t Discuss New Relationships

If you or your spouse has already moved on and is in a new relationship, the topic should not be broached during mediation. This will only lead to distrust, heightened emotions, and arguments.

Tip 6: Don’t Talk Badly About the Other Person

Divorces are not easy and it’s often tempting to say bad things about the person you are divorcing. However, taking negatively about your soon-to-be former spouse will never lead to any open communication or resolution. If you need to, get your feelings out to your attorney before you enter the mediation process but don’t bring those thoughts to the table.

Read Here: Essential Guidelines from a New York Divorce Lawyer: Words Matter

Mediation can help move the divorce process along at a lower cost, a faster timeline, and with fewer negative emotions on both sides. Using the right language will help you cooperate and move forward in a health manner. Want more information? Read here: Essential Guidelines from a New York Divorce Lawyer: Words Matter.