Every person encounters difficult times in their lives at some point or another. When it’s our friends facing difficulties, it’s often our first instinct to offer our support in any way that we can. Sometimes, though, we may be at a loss for what to do. If you have a friend who’s going through hard times, here are a few tips on how to be supportive and helpful in their time of need.
Listen – fully and completely
True listening goes beyond simply hearing what your friend is saying. It’s important that you try to understand and validate their emotions instead of just being a passive pair of ears. Even if you believe their struggles will all turn out okay in the end, still try to be present during their emotional journey and listen as they progress through it. Let your friend be sad or angry and don’t try to rush them through these emotions just because you believe there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
Don’t be pushy with advice
It’s important to understand that you can listen and be supportive without offering advice. Unless your friend specifically asks for advice, don’t give it out unsolicited. Don’t assume you know what’s best for your friend, even if you’re very familiar with their situation. When you’re not sure what to say, ask your friend what they want. “Is there any way I can help?” may be a lot more impactful than you think. Your friend may not have an answer ready for you, so take the time to reaffirm your willingness to help and let them come to you when they’re ready.
Just be there
Engaging in a shared hobby, going to the movies, or even just taking a walk together can be more comforting to a friend than you’d think. Just hanging out and having fun won’t be a magical solution for their problems, but it can certainly help them de-stress. If you already regularly spend time together with your friend, make an effort to keep the routine, as it can provide a source of stability when times get rocky. And if they say no or explain they have less time to commit to your friendship, don’t take it personally – just try to check in on them every now and again.
Don’t make it about you
One of the most powerful ways of connecting with a friend in need is through empathy rather of just sympathy. In other words, try connecting your own experiences to theirs in order to see things from their point of view and better understand their emotional pain. But make sure you do this carefully – it can be really tempting to say to your friend, “What you’re facing is like that time in my life where I…” and then elaborate on your experiences, but that isn’t always the most comforting approach. While you may mean well, if you dwell too long on your own experiences, it can come across as self-centered if all you want to do is talk about yourself. If you’re thinking to bring up one of your own stories, make sure to be brief about it and then immediately connect what you’re trying to say to your friend’s situation. The focus should remain on your friend, not you.
Encourage seeking outside help
Sometimes you may find that lending an ear just isn’t enough for a struggling friend. There are times when problems need outside intervention, whether those problems are with depression, grief, eating disorders, or substance abuse. Particularly if your friend is struggling with drug addiction or alcohol dependency, it’s important to know that there are affordable and high-quality rehab options available.
The idea of seeing a therapist, doctor, or other professional may bring about feelings of shame or embarrassment to your friend. If you’re close enough, offering to accompany them to an appointment (even if it’s just driving them there) can be a very comforting act of support. Reassure your friend that getting help or seeking treatment is an important step on the path to healing and recovery. Click here for more information.